Internet Intelligence Test
No Peeking. Goodies at bottom for those who finish early.
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Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions.
Time Limit: 4 Hours
HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the
present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social,
political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia,
America and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.
MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze,
and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work
has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2500 riot crazed Rugby Fans are storming the classroom.
Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture if this form had developed 500 million years earlier, with special
attention to its probable effects on the English Parliamentary System. Prove
MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute
and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
PSYCHOLOGY: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the
emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of
each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias; Ramses II, Gregory of Nicia;
Hamurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each mans works,
make appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.
SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany
the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high powered rifle have
been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual printed
in Swahili. In ten minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the
room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify
ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national
debt. Trace the possible effects in the following areas: Cubisim; the Donatist
controversy; the wave theory. Outline the method for preventing these effects.
Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies
in your point of view, as demonstrated by your answer to the last question.
POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red phone on the desk beside you. Start
World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.
EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position against truth. Prove the validity of
PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in you answer an evaluation
of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its
significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.
GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
A random list of computer related statements compiled by a friend...
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
2 + 2 = 5 but only for extremely large values of 2.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
<-------- The information went data way -------->
Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay..
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups.
E Pluribus Modem
... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord.
11th Commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's PowerPC.
12th Commandment - Give not thy neighbor a Pentium
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?
Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
All computers wait at the same speed.
DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.
Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue ...
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.
REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~"
Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Read my chips: No new upgrades!
Hit any user to continue.
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the
process of putting them in.
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard
Copyright © 1996. Andrew T. Green . All Rights Reserved.