December 23, 1996
"Welcome me to a haven given...
Well.
Other than work, there is nothing to report interesting that I have done. Work work work. Ach. Ptooh.
I continue to experience the amusing side effects of Zoloft, too amusingly gross to go into detail here. Still feeling a bit depressed at times. But nothing like before.
Had another session with Mr. Shrink. Going to start looking at why I build walls to keep from feeling. Many of the things that bring this behavior on: uncertainty of love, fear of retribution, living with a abusive parent...I experienced growing up. Shrinko say you learn three things growing up in that kind of situation...two of which I remember: You learn not to speak and you learn no to feel. I wonder if forgetting the third one is significant? :-)
The funny thing is that the last time I was there, we were talking about my mother and what she was like. By the time I left, my teeth were clenched and I even remarked that we must have touched something cause I was feeling really tense. Drove home that way too. Hopefully it means that I am open to dealing with it. We'll see. I ain't no victim...just want to see what's there.
Made a good friend at work. We're starting to get to know each other pretty well. I'm also meeting other people and getting out more. Not a lot, but then I'm not really trying.
Went for three weeks without going grocery shopping...went out to dinner for three straight weeks in a row. Hmmmm....ate a LOT of Thai food...truly, you can only eat so much Phad Thai. I like Thai fried rice and Thai Iced Teas but even they can get old. It's odd, we don't have a Vietnamese restaraunt near here. That's good food! I still don't have any real food in the house. Got some Pop-Tarts and other things but nothing you would want to live on for a long time. I need to make a lot more money so I can afford a cook. I supposed I could learn how to cook but then I'd have to cook, which violates one of my guiding principles; namely, no cooking. So, there you go.....
I almost bought a TV this weekend! Ack! One of those small ones with an integral VCR. Ack!!!!! Ptooh!! I do need a microwave so I can get some of those almost food things you wave. I truly hate to do dishes.
And, let's see....oh yes....work. Work kicked my a**. Glad our year is over. Hopefully the New Year will bring a bit more sanity to our program as well as a bit more clarity and direction.
The way I'm going, this will be my last entry before Christmas and very likely the New Year. Sooooooo......Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.....I'm pretty sure I'm happy to be here and looking forward to a good new year!! :-)
Drew
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"There's a devil monkey laying on our backs..."
