March 25, 1997
"Swear you can't swim the river..."
Bean a good start to the week. Got the okey-dokey to return to work. Meet with Employee Assistance on Thursday to set a return to work date. The shrink and therapist recommend 75% for 4 weeks to see how I do with that. I want to get back into work mainly because bills and debts are piling up, but I will do what I need to do. That being taking it easy and slowly easing back into things. Oh well...
Talking with my therapist dude today. About relationships and trust. He suggested using 3 X 5 cards to write down all my expectations and for my sweetie to write down all hers. Then, you exchange cards. Those that the other accepts go in one pile. This means that the other has chosen to own your expectations. Those they don't go into another pile and means they do not own those. Then you can negotiate and see if the other is willing to accept them for something else. If not, you move on. It is a good tool to set expectations and to get them out in the open and spoken. I thought it would be good to keep the unaccepted ones for later and see what it was that wasn't accepted and look at them and see if I could tell anything about myself by what I expected. Have I grown? Was I unreasonable? Childish? Too nitpicky? Anyway, I think we'll do it.
Another thing we talked about was projection and projective identification. Projection I do. Whereby you say the other person is acting in a certain way or feeling something that in reality you are feeling. Doing this allows the person to no admit they have fears, insecurities and such. Projective identification is actually making the other person feel the emotion you are feeling. Then it gets fed back to you and it justifies your feelings. Trouble is, you end up taking back all of what you gave them and more to appease them. Bad shit Maynard. Projection I do, projective identification I do NOT do. You can always ID a person who does projective identification. They give you that queasy feeling and you might label them a "toxic personality". Easy to spot if you are in touch with how people make you feel.
The Net has been flakey all day today. Accessing things has been a real bear. Couldn't get to CNN or a bunch of other sites. Could just be Sprynet, or a MAE could be down or who knows. Anyway, not as much fun surfing as other days. My 'puter has also been locking up and freezing in the most annoying way since last night. Ran DiskDoctor and had some probs fixed and ran Disenfectant - no viruses. Thank God!!!
I find that now that I am not depressed (as far as I can tell) I do not need the net as much anymore. I don't spend hours just reading journals and mindlessly surfing. I get in and get my mail and check CNN and maybe a site or two, but that is it. I don't sleep overly much and like interacting with people. Pretty cool if you ask me. I am interested in Computer things again though and have really spiffed up the system and am working on rebuilding my site. Gonna take a while tho. The weeds got pretty high since I last was out there....
I purchased a domain at the end of last year and had a designer (Thanks M!!!) come up with the site plan and some artwork. Really nice but I haven't had the energy to start it up. Now, I think I will get on with it. It is a site dedicated t o spiritual writings of Carmelites, Benedictines and Franciscans. Three orders near and dear to my heart. Modern writings about maintaining an urban hermitage in your heart and dwelling. We'll see if anyone else thinks it's a neat idea. Everyone is so anti-religion these days (and often with good reason) that the mere mention of religion is enough for people to start getting out the pitchforks and stakes for burning. Kinda poetic justice isn't it???
Bean yakking with other journalers and the topic of a separate ring for depressed people has come up. I somehow think this is a bad idea. Mainly because I believe in mainstreaming. Depressed people, or those with mental illness, are still part of the general population. We want to be treated as such. I think segregating their sites perpetuates the stigma. Anyway, gonna create a separate links page and at least identify those sites that deal with depression, mental health issues, abuse and recovery. We'll see what happens.
Still haven't done anything with my calendar page. Toying with some ideas but I have no artistic flair or a good head for design so it will be functional if not ugly. :-) Seriously, I have seen some nice nav aids but I don't have draw or paint progs so whatever I come up with will be straight HTML...which is the way I like sites anyway. You can design clean and functional sites without resorting to massive use of client sides and huge pics. As far as my backgrounds go,I ain't changing those or this one. I ain't. Seen a lot of backgrounds and I like this. I'm not into colored text or fancy backgrounds...just something that looks nice with a high rag content. Paper joke...
Seen the comet??? Where and was it as good as they say it is??
Be Joyous!
Drew
<Ranting like a Sum'Bitch...Still!!!!!!!!!>
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"I saw you running to jump in".
